i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
