We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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