i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
