Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
