Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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