An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
