I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
