I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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