Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
