And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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