Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
