even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
