..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
