I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
