Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so let's talk penis.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
