If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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