His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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