No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
