grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
