So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
