I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
