I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
