hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
