I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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