I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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