He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
