I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
