it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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