so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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