The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
