he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
