Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
