so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
