i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
