Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
