I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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