I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
