we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Vodka?
Forever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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