I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
