I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize