he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
