We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
