If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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