I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
two words: eviction party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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