I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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