Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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