Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
