if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
