you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
