your parents love me but you hate me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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