apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
