just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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