next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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