how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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