Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
whose parrot is this?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
