After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
