so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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