So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
