Your face is a jimmy john
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
