This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
