I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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