Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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