Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
