It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
be right there i have to get my cape
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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