dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
