Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
