just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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