Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
