:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
