I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize