Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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