is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
