honey bunches of taint.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
