Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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