Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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