She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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