Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't deserve a penis
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
